rules of detox

My daughter is asleep and my parents are out, so I have the house all to myself. I smoked the last 45mg of oxy, and am officially out of blues as well as cash! I spent the last of my on-hand cash on a bag of pot to help with the detox (both physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms are lessened with some good tree). Tomorrow I will take 1/8 of a suboxone (1mg) if I'm really hurting, I have 7mg to come off with so I must use them sparingly and take JUST enough to get barely straight. I don't know where to get more, and I'm not buying any more blues. NO MORE.

I have some "guidelines" for myself during this time which I'm sure will be quite rough- after all, I have been using moderate to high doses of oxycodone daily for 7 months. These are what I can come up with right now (I am pretty high, so they might need to be amended later).

1) I have no cash at all, and won't carry any cash. I can use my debit card for normal-people non-drug purchases (groceries, pull-ups, cigarettes, gas, coffee, etc) but I can't use it at the ATM or to get cash back.

2) To resist temptation, I will lock my debit card into my safe at night, put the safe under R's bed and put the key under her mattress (because I wouldn't wake her up over drug money, and even if I was shitty enough to do that, if I woke her up I'd have to stay with her anyway and wouldn't be able to go get high).

3) The debit card will not go with me to school- I don't need it. I can carry change for the soda machine (I have a huge change jar so I can take out of it every day for weeks with no issue, as I always carried cash while doing drugs and never dipped in) or in case I forget my bus pass. There's no way I'd be able to buy oxy with less than 2 bucks in quarters and dimes.

4) If I start using my debit during the day to get cash back or at the ATM, I must lock it in my safe all day and only bring it to the grocery store when I'm with my mom. I won't withdraw large amounts of cash in front of her, and the only things I really *need* to purchase are sold at the grocery store. I figure if I'm breaking my own rules to buy more drugs and screw up my detox, I don't deserve to have my card with me to buy nonfat lattes at Starbucks like a normal adult.

5) I'm allowed to smoke pot during the day to help my detox, but never while I'm with R- only when she's napping or at preschool.

6) I have deleted Dude's number from my phone, but not the other girl's number because our kids are friends. I can only call her on weekends to get the kids together, never for drugs. She is also a good person to talk to if I'm really struggling though, because she understands exactly what I'm going through and doesn't judge me or think I'm a bad mom just because I'm a secret junkie. She's out on bond and has her kid this weekend, so we might actually be getting the kids together tomorrow. I haven't told R yet because she is extremely unreliable and often doesn't show up or keep plans when drugs are not involved in said plans. I don't want to excite R by telling her she gets to see her little BFF when there's a 90% chance that it's not gonna happen.

7) Don't take the bad feelings from the detox out on R!!!!!!!

8) Eat healthy, drink plenty of water and caffeinated beverages, no uppers or heroin (not that I know where to get them), no booze, and suboxone sparingly!