i hate hate hate hate hate running out

So I couldn't score last night and was supposed to get some this morning, but that didn't come through. Dude texts me at 11am when I'm just getting in the car to leave for school to tell me that he slept late and will now be at work until 930. So I called my friend, one of the few who knows of my use since she does them herself, and she said she could come to my school, pick up my cash, and go get them for me and deliver at school after 3pm in exchange for one blue. I agreed to her terms because it was the soonest I figured I could get them and dropping them off at my school is quite convenient.

I didn't have any actual withdrawal symptoms in the morning, just the psychological addiction making me feel a general malaise because I knew I had no drugs and wouldn't get them for a while. But about 1230pm, while I was sitting in class, my symptoms went from "all in my head" to real. I was yawning, sneezing, not able to sit still, shivering in my long-sleeved chef's coat with my stomach twisting around and around. We had a tasting of the pies we made yesterday in the lab, and they all tasted terrible to me. About 1pm, my friend texts me- she's out of work early and wants to come by and pick up my cash. So I drop the money off with her and ask her to bring me back 3 blues and keep the 4th to herself.

The next hour of class was agony, my anxiety level was through the roof. I kept checking my cellphone, which angered my chef (instructor) since she gets annoyed when our electronic devices are used during her lecture. So I had to leave the room every time I got a text message just in case it was her telling me she was in the parking lot with my salvation. At about 2pm she came back and handed over my 3 blues, and I went directly to the bathroom and sniffed up a whole one (I generally do halves or quarters at once when I snort). I went directly back to class, where it took about 5 minutes for my withdrawal symptoms to go from real to a distant memory. I was expecting to get my head right, but I wasn't really expecting to get high so I was pleasantly surprised when I felt the warm buzzing in my head and familiar rush of energetic euphoria. It's amazing how addictive drugs work- you feel just awful, but the drug brings you back 150%.

I smoked a bowl on the way home from school, so right now (almost 6pm) I'm still feeling great. I'm going to attempt to make what I have last for 2 more days by not doing any more today and only doing 1 all day tomorrow, but I'm not sure if I can make it. I know that right after dinner I'm going to want another half, which means I have 1 1/2 left tomorrow which I'll definitely sniff right up.

Drug addiction really is a bitch- and hiding it isn't very fun either. I couldn't really hide how sick I felt for the first half of class, so I told my chef I had a migraine and told my fellow students that I was hung over. Drinking all night on a Tuesday night is seen as acceptable social behavior in this crowd, but not smoking oxycodone. I bet a lot of people at my school are secret junkies- and the people I'd never suspect. I wonder if anyone suspects me- I openly speak of my marijuana use (along with 90% of the school, including the chef instructors and the assistant Dean) but oxy is in a whole 'nother ballpark. Let's see if I can make it through the rest of the day with no oxy- sometimes just knowing I have some and can use whenever I want to is enough. But sometimes... well, sometimes it's not.