Went to the suboxone doctor today my brother took me at 9am after I told my mom I had to be at school early. I got into this on my own, and that's how I have to get out of it. No crying to mommy and daddy to solve my problems for me. He had to leave immediately, and I chose the *one day* of the week that the clinic opened at 11am instead of 9. So, I waited for 2 hours. No excuses- I ran out a while ago. They dosed me with 4mg and then wrote me a week's worth of 12mg per day. Since I take 1-2mg per day (and plan on starting my taper at 3mg tomorrow) this should last me long enough to not have to go back next week for a dosage drop to 10mg. I've heard that suboxone doctors are famous for overprescribing and that "less is more" with buprenorphine drugs like suboxone. 4mg was far too much- I was high by the time I got to school at 130pm (by taxi, no less). The high has seemed to increase instead of decreasing as the day has gone by. We reviewed for the final practical exam today at school. Nothing I don't already know how to do.
I think this is going to work, my little suboxone taper with 11 1/2 pills in my possession. I hope so- I miss being clean. I didn't really appreciate it when I was. Probably because I didn't know what addiction was, I just smoked pot sometimes and didn't *need* it. Oxycodone is different. I'm so excited to have my script and no more excuses! Has anyone ever been this excited to STOP using drugs? Hooray!
Just remember, this is a substitute drug, but a drug never the less. It is also subject to abuse. You are not really "clean" until you don't take anything anymore.
ReplyDeleteyes....that's not unusual....addicts become miserable enough to stop using....that's how recovery can possibly happen. But just not using isn't recovery.....and that's what you REALLY need to know and believe...or you'll go back to it. If you don't believe that....you'll find it out. I hope that you do more than just stop using, ...get some personal therapy, and get involved with NA and get a sponsor...then you may have a shot of staying clean, once you get clean. There was a reason you became an addict, whether or not you're understanding that yet. That's not a judgement, ...not at all,...just something to help you think about how to get and stay clean.
ReplyDeleteGood luck. You're heading in the right direction.
"Clean" is slang. Doesn't it mean in recovery? Therefore, I can consider myself clean while working a suboxone-assisted recovery.
ReplyDeleteYou might want to read Ross' posts (if you have not already) at lifeofadrugaddict.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteNow this person is in recovery. I think that his experiences and his writing can help you understand recovery. Good luck.
I agree with Matthew. and I think that Ross's posts could be helpful too,....he is writing about what I was referring to.
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