been using oxy for the last 4 days, culminating in trying heroin for the first time last night. After all the horror stories I've heard about sticky black tar that you have to shoot in yourself and romantic stories about falling in love from the first time, it was quite uneventful. It was a little bag of brown powder that I could sniff just like the oxy, made me really sleepy and nauseous. I don't like it- the oxy at least gives me energy and assists in me having fun or taking care of my business. All that stuff seemed to do was make me useless and numb. I guess I can see the appeal, if one doesn't have a job or school or a little kid or bills to pay or anything to do her whole life. I prefer drugs that are useful. I've locked up the rest of my funds (which is supposed to have been locked up, I got a surprise check from the scholarship office and thats where the last 4 days came from, I didn't cut into R's money) and am not going to do anything today. Never realized how easy it is to get heroin in DC, it's really everywhere and I didn't notice. I have a car now, just got it day before yesterday, it's kind of old but it runs! Now I don't have to take the metro just to get to work and school and I can actually drive my own kid around. Very excited about that.
The girl I use with stole from me. It hurt me pretty bad, because I thought we weren't like that. Being a drug addict is no excuse to steal from friends and family (or anyone, really). I think if I became a "real junkie" (as in, no job no house no custody of kid no money) I'd rather be a prostitute than steal from people. I stole ten dollars from my dad when I was 15, to buy cigarettes and beer. Felt terrible about it until I confessed and paid him back 2 months later. I don't know how people live with that on their conscence. Especially from people they supposedly care about.
I'm making progress. I'm glad I used, it gave me a sense of perspective- it really wasn't worth all the trouble it caused me this weekend and getting ripped off for 80 bucks while I slept she went through my pants. I love the word progress because it's flexible, like me. Going to downtown today, maybe take R to the mall and see all the touristy parts of my beloved city. Lincoln Memorial, anyone?